Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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