you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
