If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
