it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
