im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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