i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
