On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
