can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
