At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
