Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
