I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
