I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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