I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
