After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it glows. i had to have it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
