I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
