Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
