MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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