Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
