Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
