mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize