Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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