there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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