i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
