life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
