Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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