I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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