Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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