So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
