good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
