at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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