Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
