I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
