38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
