I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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