Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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