New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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