Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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