I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
