you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
