I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
