Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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