A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize