They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
