Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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