i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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