he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
