In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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