it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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