Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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