I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
