that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
