I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
