So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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