and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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