I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
