How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
