You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
