Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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