He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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