I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we made out on top of his cat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
