I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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