he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
