i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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