is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
