Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
