ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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