So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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