I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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