Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
