I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How external is "for external use only"?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
