Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
