is your mom at the bar?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
