then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
