Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
