like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
