the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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