break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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