Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
