I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
