On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
