don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize