Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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