I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
