Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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