i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
