There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
