I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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