I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
