we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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