you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
