what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
